Enough with the anger and seriousness

A part of who we are at CCC is we don't take ourselves that seriously. We're about to do a series called dANGERous. It's about Anger and that's serious. We sent out a card this week to let people know that no matter who you are or where you've been or what you've done God loves you and you are welcome at Community Christian Church. That's serious!

It's time for a little fun. I found these new George Carlin rules for 2008. These have been PG edited.

• New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com ! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days . . mowing my lawn.
• New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're as seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?
• New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
• New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this stuff at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry,but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Drink some of that salinized water at the beach that comes out of your faucet there!
• New Rule: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, he will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
• New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the more annoying the drinker. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and one NutraSweet," boy are you messed up.
• New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those 'athletes' at the poker table was just too darned exciting.