I've recently been involved in an online conversation about the question I posed in the title of this post. The reason I wanted to write about it here is because I know many in our church struggle as adults with stuff that got handed to them by their parents. The question was "Can I tell the truth about what happened with my parents while still honoring them like God asks?" This person is really trying to follow God but to honestly deal with their past. Let me tell you some of the things I've heard over the years. Is it wrong for an adult child to share these kinds of things?
"My dad raised pot and currently makes meth. It's just how he makes a living."
"My porn addiction began with my Dad's secret stash of pornography."
"I don't remember any weekend where my dad didn't drink and didn't hit us. "
"My dad and my brothers sexually abused me until I was 18."
"I love my mom but she was a prostitute. At least she slept with a lot of men who gave us money."
Okay that's some of the stuff I've heard about parents through the years. Is it a violation of the 5th commandment for a person to share those kinds of things? How can you honor your parents when they have not been honorable?
3 comments:
Sounds like blaming or
"it's my parents fault"
Please give me a break
and step up and take
responsibility for what
you are doing, don't put
it on someone else.
anonymous - I don't think Ed said the person was doing anything just that they were struggling with what their parents had done. Do you not think if someone has been sexually abused that it affects them at all. Are you saying they should ignore it.
I don't believe telling the truth about the past is blaming. I think sometimes we have to talk honestly about the past. How is honoring to anyone to lie and cover up?
I think the litmus test question for everything we do should not be "Is it lawful?", but rather "Is it loving?" Coming from an extremely dysfunctional family, it took me years to have the courage to talk honestly with my parents. For one parent, telling the truth with an invitation to repentance was the most loving thing I could offer. For the other, who seems truly sorry about the damage their choices caused, I try to be as honest as I can but always reassuring of my love for them. One parent died unrepentant, and the other treasures our good relationship despite the past. I am selective about who I talk to about these things, but the same question--Is it the loving thing to do for them?--helps me decide.
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